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30 November 2009 @ 07:01 pm
He's No Rex Harrison [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: He's No Rex Harrison
FANDOM: 30 Rock
SUMMARY: If he ever asks her to fetch his slippers, she swears...


In January, Jack asks her to a ball. It's some high society thing that he thinks will benefit her ("Everyone should take any chance to rub elbows with New York's most affluent people, Lemon. Even you."). She goes along with it because, well... first, it's not like she had anything better to do that particular night and second... hey - free food. She's there.

So Jack picks out a dress for her like he did three years ago. It's a deep emerald green that contours her like second skin; just like the other dress did. And she's pretty sure Jack must like her boobs because, like the other dress, this one also accentuates them in a very obvious way. And just like the last time, after she has the dress on and he comes in to hand over some more borrowed jewelry, his eyes do a sweep of her form ("Wow! Lemon!") and for a moment, they focus on her boobs.

Yeah. Jack definitely enjoys her boobs.

He opens the jewelry box for her but doesn't snap her fingers in it and she's grateful for that; she gives him a little smile though for some reason she'd hoped he would try it again. Jenna told her about the thing from Pretty Woman, so she knows how to react now. But he just takes the necklace from the box and helps her put it on, commenting on her updo as he fastens it in place.

They take a limo just as she predicted and this time she doesn't wear her ratty olive green vest; she hands over a rather expensive black coat to the coat check girl and glances up to catch Jack's approving smile. It's kind of weird, like he's still mentoring her, but it makes her smile back anyway.

The people they meet are in fact very affluent much like Jack had said; all of them talk about their yachts or polo games or art collections and Liz kind of wants to drown herself in her champagne glass a couple of times. Luckily Jack notices her contemplating it and he takes the glass from her hand, wrapping an arm around her waist when he's through. She peeks up at him but doesn't question him -- maybe Bianca's somewhere nearby and she has to be his live-in girlfriend again, who knows?

Some of the rich people she's introduced to talk to Jack like she isn't even there, and leaves her half-wondering why she even came with. She knows it wasn't to be an arm charm -- surely Jack could find a cuter (definitely sluttier) girl to fulfill that job.

But then the rich people start talking about her like she isn't even there, addressing Jack instead ("She's lovely, Donaghy -- you've done well with her," and "Who's this charming girl you've brought with you, Donaghy? Another of your projects?"). When they ask him this, though, Liz can tell he gets a little uncomfortable. Instead of answering their questions directly, he introduces her by name -- doesn't put a label on her like "subordinate" or "colleague" or even "friend" -- she's just Elizabeth Lemon. And then he pulls her out onto the dance floor.

A waltz plays, and Jack leads, telling her to just keep her body loose but to stand up straight; Liz frowns at him in response but goes along with it. It's surprisingly easy, and they waltz their way through a couple of numbers with Jack's hand warm at the base of her spine and his large hand clasped around hers. Liz starts to feel light, and she's not sure whether it's the dancing, the champagne or both. She looks up at Jack and has to ask him what the hell's going on -- though she pointedly stays away from asking whether or not it's a date. Being laughed at once wasn't super fun and she's not exactly eager to let history repeat itself.

"What the hell is this thing, Jack?"

He frowns back at her, twirling her before pulling her close again. "It's a ball, Lemon. I would have thought the formal attire and dancing would've been enough to clue you in."

"Yeah, but... a ball for what? Orphans? Saving trees? Polio?"

"Good Lord, no. And there's already a cure for polio." He shrugs, fingers splaying against the small of her back as they continue their waltz. "Does there have to be a reason to have a ball?"

She scrunches up her nose. "I guess not."

The more they dance, the more Liz tries to figure out just what exactly this thing is... what the label for tonight would be... and what the hell those rich dudes were talking about. She can hear "I Could Have Danced All Night" beginning to play in her head as Jack turns her round and round on the dance floor, and something kinda clicks. "You're not doing a Henry Higgins thing with me, are you?"

He makes a face, and oh right like he's never seen My Fair Lady. "Beg pardon?"

"Are you still trying to make me over into a super successful, stylish duchess-type person? Have you made any bets with British Colonels?"

"Lemon, I have never once set out to turn you into a duchess of any sort, though I will always strive to make you as successful as you can possibly be. I want you to go far in life and live up to the potential that I see in you."

"Oh." Not the response she expected, but... it's nice. She opens her mouth to say thank-you--

"And as far as Colonels go, I don't know any. Well... there was Colonel Mustard, but he's since passed away."

"Colonel Mustard? He's... not a real person, Jack."

"I can assure you, Lemon, Colonel James Mustard was in fact very real."

"The guy from 'Clue?'"

"I don't know what 'clue' you're referring to; the man was a World War II veteran."

"Huh." She can come back to that later. For now... "So you haven't made any bets with anyone that you can turn me into a high-society chick like what Henry Higgins did?" Because if he ever asks her to fetch his slippers, she swears...

"Of course not. I'm no Rex Harrison, Lemon, and you're certainly no Audrey Hepburn."

Well. "Thanks."

The rest of the night goes smoothly, and the limo takes them back to her place where Jack walks her to her door. She unlocks it and heads inside and, predictably, he follows just like the first time they did this.

She smiles and thanks him for taking her to the ball; he, in turn, thanks her for coming along. He comes closer, and this time Liz doesn't bother telling him to wait because it will only cause more embarrassment when he goes for the necklace instead and--

"Lemon, may I... kiss you goodnight?"

Oh. "Um..."

But Jack doesn't exactly wait for her permission before his lips slide against hers; no matter, he didn't exactly need permission anyway, because she had already been tilting her head up to meet him.

When he pulls away, Liz's mind is unusually blank. Strains of "I Could Have Danced All Night" float back in there somehow and she finds herself commenting dumbly, "Henry and Eliza got married at the end of 'My Fair Lady.'"

Jack makes a bemused kind of face at her. "Was that a proposal, Lemon?"

"God no!" She almost cringes at her tone and goes to apologize... she didn't mean to sound that grossed out by it.

"The Pygmalion version doesn't end with a marriage."

She finds herself searching his eyes, and maybe they still are just as blue as when he was in 'The Bubble' and had his Superman chest. "Which ending do you prefer?"

Jack just smiles, kisses her softly again and heads for the door, calling over his shoulder, "Goodnight... Eliza."

And Liz is left to grin at the closed door, humming "I Could Have Danced All Night" as she turns out the lights and goes to bed.


Like what you've read? Why don't you watch or join the community?

{x-posted to 30_rock and jack_liz}
Amy: Ship: Jack/Liz handsams87 on December 1st, 2009 01:45 am (UTC)
This was cute city!
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:23 pm (UTC)
Thank you!!
(Deleted comment)
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:23 pm (UTC)
Aww, thanks! I really do miss writing for these two, but for some reason the inspiration just comes in short little bursts these days. Hopefully I can turn that around soon.
ubiquitousmixie: 30 rock - jack/lizubiquitousmixie on December 1st, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)

that was perfect!!!!

oh i love it so much...from how PERFECT jack was (colonel mustard FTMFW!) to the my fair lady references to the end....

it's like a hug, and i needed that. thank you!
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
Aww! Glad I could give you a type-written hug :D Thank you so much for the kind comment!
KeenRevelkeenrevel on December 1st, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
"Which ending do you prefer?" I dont know why, but this line struck me. :) I love this! It was perfect!
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this :)
boneslady87 on December 1st, 2009 04:24 am (UTC)
Hi there! *waves*

I love your Jack/Liz! Amazing story :D
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:25 pm (UTC)
Hi back! *waves*

Thank you very much!! Glad you liked this story. :)
Uther Pendragon's Loyal Wench: 30 rock - jack liz elevatorfirthgal on December 1st, 2009 06:07 am (UTC)
Awwww, loved it! I especially love the fact that Jack used to know the now deceased Colonel Mustard. And the end! So sweet. Jack and Liz better get their My Fair Lady ending. I've had them pegged as Henry/Eliza pretty much since season 1. MAKE IT HAPPEN, TINA FEY. I think I even went so far as to say that Tina Fey was George Bernard Shaw with boobs and that that didn't bode well for us. But I think we have more of a chance for a MFL ending than we did back then.
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:26 pm (UTC)
Y'know, I pretty much blame you for my Jack-Liz/Henry-Eliza associations. You planted that seed waaaaaaaayyyyy back when I was writing my very first Jack/Liz fic, that Being a Donaghy one. And now that I've seen Henry and Eliza in action? Yeah, totally Jack and Liz.

Corinna: Alec Bubblemswooster on December 1st, 2009 10:25 am (UTC)
Squeeee! So much cuteness!
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
lz1982: Finding Excuseslz1982 on December 1st, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
Aww, cute. I do hope they go for the "My Fair Lady" ending rather than "Pygmalion."
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks very much! I hope they go for the "My Fair Lady" ending as well :)
omnomnom17: (30) just please don't ever let me goomnomnom17 on December 2nd, 2009 04:41 am (UTC)
Oh, just adorable. I love that it's like Black Tie 2.0, where they get everything right. The My Fair Lady stuff is perfect. Also, the bit about Colonel Mustard is just genius!

Wonderful work!
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! And y'know, I honestly never thought of it as a "Black Tie 2.0" aside from them going to a fancy-pants shindig again. That's cool, though! Makes me feel like I'm deep or something. :P

Glad you liked the Col. Mustard bit too, hehe! Thanks again.
Margueriteflybutterfly24 on December 6th, 2009 09:54 am (UTC)
Lovely :)
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Cliffhanger Whoresamuraichikx on December 11th, 2009 02:17 am (UTC)
MAN I love your Jack/Liz stuff. Is it alright if I friend you? =D
a.regalish on December 11th, 2009 09:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I appreciate that!

You've been added back :)
csiAngel: 30 rock Jack smittencsiangel on January 6th, 2010 11:35 pm (UTC)
And I apologise even more for not reviewing this until now! I am soooo behind, evidently. I'm glad I came in search of TBBT fic! :-)

This is so cute. I love that Liz makes that parallel and keeps hearing "I Could Have Danced All Night" :-) Very sweet.
csiAngel: 30 Rock J/Lcsiangel on January 6th, 2010 11:38 pm (UTC)
Oh also love the random mention of a real Colonel Mustard. I can just see Jack's face as he tells her that :-)