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20 November 2008 @ 08:04 pm
Whatever Happened to Budget Meetings? [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: Whatever Happened to Budget Meetings?
FANDOM: 30 Rock
NOTES: thoughtsicles prompt: bad joke


"Lemon, do you believe it's possible for human beings to reach a point where they simply are unable to repress their desires? And they must... let them out and see where the chips may fall, as it were?"

She's fairly certain this is the weirdest conversation she's ever had with Jack. Mainly because 1) they're in a budget meeting when he says it, 2) because Jonathan's in the room, taking notes (something new that Jack makes him do during meetings - they've started getting off-topic lately, to the point where they spend the entire hour either watching YouTube or talking about It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia:

"And the song was called 'The Night Man,' Lemon, but the lyrics were extremely disturbing."

"Yeah, I remember."

"These are horrible, depraved people. So why am I so drawn to them?"

"You're a Republican.").

And 3) ...maybe there isn't a third one. The first two are weird enough, aren't they?

Anyway, so Jonathan's been sitting in with them, taking notes and shooting Liz dirty looks when the conversation veers off-topic. Even if it's Jack that goes off on a tangent.



"You haven't answered my question."

She glances at Jonathan and he looks a mixture of curious, horrified, and nauseous. If only she had a video camera...

Instead of answering Jack's question, she raises her eyebrows and looks around his (unicorn-less and poster-less) office. "Boy, how about those stocks, huh?"

Jack frowns. "I beg your pardon?"

"Y'know, the Bears and... Bulls, and... all those other... stock market sports teams." She makes a face at herself. Surely this can't be fooling him.

Jack just blinks at her. Not like McCain kind of rapid-fire blinking. Just... normal-sauce blinking. "Lemon, are you truly that uptight about things of a sexual nature that you can't even say them in front of Jonathan?" He chuckles the last few words like she shouldn't be concerned at all. Like Jonathan's just nothing.

Which Jonathan's probably super jazzed about, considering he's, y'know... in love with Jack and everything. Come to think of it, he looks like he might cry. "Sir, maybe it'd be best if I left the room."

"Nonsense," Jack tells him, just barely cutting the poor kid a glance. Would it hurt him to flirt just a little? It's obvious to any human being that Jonathan is completely infatuated with Jack.

Her dog would be able to tell Jonathan's infatuated with Jack. Y'know, if she... had a dog. Or was deemed fit to care for anything remotely adorable.

She got a cactus yesterday, though. She's trying Jack's slow approach. So, she'll be ready for changing a baby's diapers just before she's in some of her own.

Yep, she does things the classy way, that ole' Liz Lemon.

But back to the matter at hand. Bears, Bulls... repressed sex thoughts, maybe?

"Sir, really," Jonathan insists, "I don't mind leaving the room. I think I've taken enough notes, so I'll just go type up the minutes and return those phone calls to Cooter that you wanted to dodge."

Jack inclines his head in approval once, then. "Yes, fine."

Jonathan tears out of the room like his life depends on it. Liz can't decide if he's traumatized by Jack bringing up sex when the question's not directed at him, or the mere thought that he's not super important to Jack.

Liz doesn't mind either way, but she's just wondering.

"Back to my question, Lemon."

"Yeah, about that: Why are you... asking me?"

"Well we're friends, aren't we, Lemon?"

"Friends? Yeah, definitely. Friends who talk about sex? Pretty sure we don't do that."

"It's not for my lack of trying, Lemon. You shouldn't be so closed off about those topics, especially with those close to you. It brings you closer."

She frowns, trying not to point out he used the word 'closer' like eight billion times. "You want us to be closer by... talking about sex?" What is going on here? She's fairly certain she walked into a budget meeting when she came up here this morning.

"I take no issue with it and neither should you. We're adults, Lemon. A man and a woman are perfectly capable of being friends and can still discuss 'adult' topics such as this without sexual tension interfering, don't you agree?"

Did this dude even see 'When Harry Met Sally?' Blerg. She'll break it to him some other time. Or lend him the DVD. "Sure."
"So?" He raises his eyebrows, and oh boy there really is no way she's getting out of this, is there? "Do you believe it's possible for human beings to reach a point where they are rendered unable to repress their desires? That there comes a point where they just snap and need to act on them, need to test the waters?"

As he asks this (obviously burning) question, he steps closer and closer to her, and Liz feels like she did last week when they were playing 'pretend'; when they were doing a fake soap opera scene to get Jack back into the very office where they now stood.

"Um..." It's hard to think because Jack's getting even closer, and he's looking at her with those eyes, and she kind of hates that his eyes are so blue - because really, how distracting, right? It's almost rude that his eyes are so distractingly blue.

Yeah. She said it, he has rude eyes.

And maybe it's the proximity, maybe it's the fact that she just wants to say something, anything, to get her out of the situation she somehow walked into almost an hour ago -- she's not sure, but she just says the first thing on the tip of her tongue. "What's your desire?"
It kinda comes out all breathless and shaky, and... so not how she intended it to. But from the look on Jack's face, he doesn't mind in the slightest. No, instead he smiles -- it's this weird, cat-like, kinda predatory smile -- and comes even closer. She can feel his breath on her face as he leans in and looks right into her eyes from inches away.

Liz sucks in her breath and just watches him. He looks like he did after Gerhardt's party. Like he did when he spun her around during their soap opera play acting. He looks like he's going to kiss her. He gets so close, in fact, that she thinks he will kiss her. So she finds herself closing her eyes (what is wrong with her??) and just waiting it out.

Then his breath hits her lips. "I haven't reached that point yet, Lemon," he tells her while whirling away from her, voice back in its normal range, "But I'll let you know when I have."

Liz clenches her fists. And her teeth. She'd love to hit him for that one. "So what was all of this about, Jack? If you have no big, repressed desire you feel the need to reveal, then what was the point of this? Was that some sort of a bad joke or something? Because it was really bad."

He shrugs, all innocent with his stupid face, and yeah she would really like to punch him. Or make him kiss her. She's not sure which one sounds more appealing. "I just wanted to get your opinion."

Liz rolls her eyes and stomps out of Jack's office, ignoring his reminder that they still need to discuss the budget.

Right, like she'll ever be tricked into a budget meeting again.


{x-posted to jack_liz and 30_rock}
Carolina: smilestime jack floyd [30 rock]boobookittyass on November 21st, 2008 03:52 am (UTC)
Yeah. She said it, he has rude eyes.

HAHAHA! I loved that line. The whole thing, too, of course.
Kristen: liz lemon [smirk]kris10_loveee on November 21st, 2008 05:37 am (UTC)
oh jack, you tease you.
lovely story.
courtney_mudie7: mean girls: tina feycourtney_mudie7 on November 21st, 2008 06:11 am (UTC)
aww.. that was great! jack the tease.

i always love fics where Jonathon gets 'outcast' or offended in some way. (who am i kidding.. i love all 30rock fic.. even if you paired Kenneth with Tracy Jordan's monkey coat. i would read it)

awesomely written. look forward to more :)
frosted lemon coward: grin (fey)borderlinetruth on April 13th, 2009 08:28 pm (UTC)
I was just lurking through these comments, and I just have to say that I love your icon.
courtney_mudie7: mean girls: tina feycourtney_mudie7 on April 15th, 2009 01:44 am (UTC)
thanks very much! its one of the only batch of icons i've ever made..lmao.. you can use it if you like.. the original icon post is here

i really should start making some more. :)

i appreciate you taking the time to comment about my icon :D
one mouthy sandwich girl: always raining in vancouverstill_might_be on November 21st, 2008 06:31 am (UTC)
This was hilarious. Love her empathy for Jonathan and the reason she can't have a dog and the plot to lend him When Harry Met Sally. And the ending! I love the fact that the kiss doesn't happen--which sounds wrong, but it's true in this case anyway.

Thanks for sharing. :D
wildthing0088wildthing0088 on November 21st, 2008 06:32 am (UTC)
Wow. Perfectly in character. As always. Awesome.
op_de_radioop_de_radio on November 21st, 2008 06:49 am (UTC)
Ah, so close.

"Right, like she'll ever be tricked into a budget meeting again."

Love that line. :]
fairytail_loserfairytail_loser on November 21st, 2008 07:37 am (UTC)

That was so good. I Loved the ending.
Fabulous Sweetie!the_popsicle on November 21st, 2008 02:19 pm (UTC)
ohemgee It's Always Sunny reference LOVE IT

fic is awesome too btw
Fabulous Sweetie!: pic#81774839the_popsicle on November 21st, 2008 02:21 pm (UTC)
also i love the phrase 'super jazzed' simply awesome
do I dare to eat a peach?: (30r) Why yes...stop_theworld on November 23rd, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is glorious! And delightful! I love the way you set up these situations and then turn them around, dangle things in front of our faces and then jerk them away. And huge props for including Jonathan! Oh, poor Jonathan. ILTHIS.
paulachica07 on November 24th, 2008 07:29 pm (UTC)
LOL that was really great! I could definitely see Jack egging her on like that just to see her reaction!
stephen@charleneforever.com: 30 rock: jack/liz & half-pleasedmichellek on November 27th, 2008 06:08 am (UTC)
Hee, this was awesome. I loved poor Jonathan, and Jack's rudely blue eyes.
Mrs. Hattersunday_luncheon on December 16th, 2008 04:19 am (UTC)
Yes! What a fabulous way to address the 'almost-kiss'. Loved it!
Meredithxfirefly9x on February 19th, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC)
*smirks* Love this!
frosted lemon coward: happy (jack/liz)borderlinetruth on April 13th, 2009 08:27 pm (UTC)
Grrrrr, Jack is infuriating! With his stupid face and rude eyes and bad sexy jokes.