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21 March 2008 @ 11:16 am
It's All Your Fault [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: It's All Your Fault
FANDOM: 30 Rock



So, she didn't want to stay and get drunk with Jack. Drunk Jack is just... depressing. And oddly whiny. And prone to picking up hookers at buffets. She does not feel like dealing with that tonight, not after seeing the Board, and the blonde that got her apartment at the Windmere.

Liz makes herself go home and pours herself a glass of wine. She uses the glass that's big enough to fit an entire bottle in. Because that way, she figures she can get more bang for her buck. So to speak. It still sounds like she's talking about hookers, so she takes a big gulp to erase the thought.

Maybe she'll watch a DVD. Maybe she'll even put together her home entertainment center. She looks down into the glass.

Or... maybe she'll just get good and drunk and prank call the new tenant at the Windmere.



This wine is going down really well, she decides. She can't even feel the burn anymore as it slides down her throat. That's gotta be good, right? Maybe not, but who cares?

She wonders what Jack is doing, and feels a strange pang in her heart. For all his faults, Jack doesn't deserve to get his heart broken again. He's a fairly good guy, basically, once you look past all the pompous arrogance and expensive ties.

Plus, he's not bad to look at. Whoa. Where the hell did that come from? She's obviously not had enough wine yet. So she looks around for another bottle.



She's halfway through her second glass (bottle) of wine and thinking about Rosemary. About how she sat around until her junk went bad. She really doesn't want to be a Rosemary. Sure, she was kind of a pioneer, in a way... minus the weird covered wagon and ugly bonnet, but... the woman was a mess. She's obsessed with some guy that lives across the hall, her apartment is infested with rats apparently, and way too close to the F-train.

Liz doesn't want to be that kind of pioneer. She doesn't want to be the covered wagon and ugly bonnet type, either. She wants to be just a basically awesome, trail-blazing pioneer that girls everywhere can look up to and go, "Wow, she's awesome. She makes smart sexy."

Yeah, that'd be okay with her. She drinks some more wine and resolves to stop thinking about Rosemary. What's Jack doing right now?



Liz blows a loud raspberry through her lips and lifts up the phone. It's kinda hard since her limbs feel like mush. She's been through three bottles of wine and right now she feels great. She thinks maybe she should prank call that blonde bitch who took her apartment. If only she knew her number. If she could dial at random and somehow get her, that'd be really great.

She still has just enough coherence to realize that probably would never happen. It's a nice thought, though.

"Need music," she grunts and rolls over onto her stomach. She slides herself across the floor of her apartment, toward her CD rack. She sees another PopTart under her couch but manages to avoid it. After that whole thing with Pete and Paula, she'll probably never touch another PopTart ever again.

Except maybe for those frosted cherry ones in the cupboard. Those are still acceptable, because they haven't been on Pete's wife's boobs. She feels nauseous suddenly, but moves past it. She's almost army-crawled over to the CD rack now; the CDs are within arm's reach. Rolling over and closing her eyes at the spinning, Liz grabs the first one her hand catches on and pulls it out.

Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill. And Liz smiles.




"You live! You learn! You choke! You learn!" Liz sings loudly into a bottle of vodka, and almost has a revelation right there.

Alanis is right. Alanis is so right. Liz has choked before. And she learned from it. She learned that she should probably avoid choking. Wow. This album goes so much deeper than she ever imagined.

She wonders if Jack listens to Alanis Morissette, or if he only listens to douchebag Republicans that talk about how awesome Bush is. She knows that Jack likes Sinatra and Dean Martin and all of those slick, Rat Pack guys, because Jack basically is a Rat Pack guy with how he dresses and talks, and... drinks scotch. But she's fascinated with the idea of him maybe having a wide range of musical tastes. That'd be pretty cool.

She hopes he's alright and that he's not as drunk as her. She thinks about calling him as the next track starts to play and she starts to sing along to the chorus. "You've already won me over in spite of me! And don't be alarmed if I faaaalllllll, head over feet. And don't surprised if I love you for all that you are... I couldn't help iiiiiit, it's all your fault!"

And she gasps again. Jack has won her over in spite of herself; somehow he got her to see past all those humongous flaws to the part of him where he's not the worst guy in the entire world. And oh God, she actually thinks he's attractive. She's done just what Alanis said she would do -- she's fallen head over feet!

And... and... she kind of, maybe... loves him... for all that he is. But she couldn't help it, it was all his fault! But unlike the song, he doesn't treat her like a princess. He just treats her like herself. She always would've thought she'd like being treated like a princess, but apparently she doesn't.

Oh, crap. Does she really love Jack? Maybe she should check with him. So she hits the speed dial button that will connect her to him. As it starts to ring, she thinks maybe she should hang up.

Instead, she takes another swig of vodka and hums "Head Over Feet" while listening to the phone ring.



Liz is almost asleep when there's a knock on the door. She can just barely roll over and push herself to her feet, stumbling for the door. Maybe she should've done some working out while she was having her wine. She wouldn't feel so sluggish. She flings the door open without a thought and smiles. "Jack!"

He looks relatively sober, or so she thinks at least, as he leans on the doorframe. "Lemon, you called? Said it was urgent. What's wrong?"

"I think Alanis Morissette is trying to tell me something." She points at the CD sitting on her coffee table.

Jack looks at it, then at her, then at the bottle of vodka next to the CD... and back to her again. "Are you drunk, Liz?"

She tries to remember the last time he used her first name. And she can't. Has he ever? "Pffffft, no! No, not all the way. Come on in!" She gestures wildly and Jack leans back to avoid getting decked. "Want a drink?"

"No thank you, Lemon, I stopped drinking at one-thirty."

"Your loss," she sighs, and reaches for her bottle of vodka.

Jack takes it from her before it can hit her lips, and he gives her one of those sexy-guy smiles. "I think it'd be wise of you to slow down."

"I think it'd be wise of you to kick off your shoes and stay awhile," she sighs. "Because you probably want to talk about C.C. don't you?"

"Actually, Lemon, I don't. I've done enough moping for the night and it's time to move on."

"I knew it! I knew it doesn't even take guys the length of a shower to get over a relationship. What is with you people?"

Jack raises his eyebrows and follows her -- closely -- while she stumbles around her living room. "We're sorry."

"Who is?"

"Me. Other men like me, who don't dwell on lost love as some women are prone to."

She blows another raspberry, right at him. She hopes a little spit gets on him, because he deserves it. She's not sure why, but he just does. "Oh, y'know what? That is so--"

"Let's not try to have a feminist debate while you're drunk, Lemon," he tells her, and gestures toward her couch. "Sit down."

"This is my apartment!" she reminds him, indignantly. "You sit down, Mister You-Should-Sit-Down Guy."

"Very well." So Jack sits, and looks up at her with his hands braced on his knees, wearing that expression like 'what have I gotten myself into?'

Yeah, he has no idea.



They're lying on her floor, side-by-side, shoulders touching and hands folded across their stomachs while they look up at the ceiling. Jack's not drunk, but opted to mirror her position anyway. "Do you ever think about the things Alanis Morissette says, Jack?"

"I don't know that I've ever heard her say anything particularly thought-provoking, Lemon. Why do you ask?"

She sighs. "I just keep thinking about you."

Jack swivels his head to look at her, but doesn't say anything for a moment. When he does, he checks, "Are you still drunk?"

"A little. Not really." She turns her head too, and finds their mouths inches away. He stinks of vodka.

Oh wait, that's her. Crap. She quirks an eyebrow. "Are you gonna answer my question?"

He smirks and holds her gaze the best he can. "You didn't ask me anything, Lemon. You merely mentioned that you continually think about me."

"I don't continually think about you, Jack. I think about food and pioneers and stuff too."

He makes a face. "Pioneers."


She looks over at him and watches him purse his lips, turning his attention back to the ceiling as he sighs, "Perhaps I'm better off not knowing what that means."

"Probably." She closes her eyes and scrubs a hand over her face. It still feels just a little numb. She's glad tomorrow's Saturday. Or, today rather. Either way, she's not going into work. "I just keep thinking about how we started out, y'know? We couldn't stand each other--"

"I never had any contempt for you, Lemon."

"Alright fine, so I couldn't stand you and you were always butting into my life and trying to change the way I dress and the way I talk and the way I eat, and--"

"Apparently I had no effect on your tendency to ramble," he sighs.

She swivels her head long enough to glare and smack his arm. "Anyway. The point is, I think about the way things started out between us and how they are now, and I just... I think maybe we're headed toward... something."


"Mm-hmm." She closes her eyes, popping them open again when she feels Jack squeeze her hand.

"Care to elaborate on that?"

"I don't know how. Because I have no idea what we're headed for." She rolls on her to side and props herself up on an elbow. "Alanis thinks I've fallen for you."

"She does?" Jack rolls onto his side and props himself up too, tilting his head at her.

"Yeah. Head over feet."

"And what do you think, Lemon?" He's being very calm about the fact that Alanis Morissette knows what's going on between them, and has written a song about it ten years before it happened.

"I think... maybe... you're not so bad." She smiles, and sways on her side a little bit until Jack puts his hand on her waist to keep her from tipping over. "I think I could get there eventually. Maybe."

Jack hums a smile, and Liz smiles back. This feels vaguely like that moment with Floyd when her legs had fallen asleep and he was helping her stand. They're kinda looking at each other like that, and Liz thinks kissing might be a good idea.

So she starts to lean toward Jack. His hand cups her face. And she goes for his lips only to have his hand hold her steady, hold her just centimeters away from getting that kiss.


Her eyes slide closed and suddenly she loves the way that he says her first name. Hell, even the way he says 'Lemon' sometimes is sexy and awesome.

"You're not gonna kiss me, are you." She tells more than asks. She doesn't need to ask, after all. The answer's pretty clear.

"I'm not going to let you kiss me drunkenly, no."

"When did you become sensible?"

"Lemon, despite what you think of me, I would never take advantage of a woman when she's drunk. Especially not a woman that I care deeply for."

Their eyes meet from those centimeters away, and his hand is still cupping her face. They're still on their sides. She grasps the lapel of his suit. "Like me?"

Jack smiles, and makes her really wish she could get that kiss. "Yes, like you."

"You care for me?"

"Deeply, yes. And despite my better judgment." He strokes his thumb across her cheek. "I wouldn't want to cause any strife between us because of a drunken kiss."

"But it would be a good drunken kiss."

"I'm certain it would be, yes. But I'm still not going to kiss you at this time."

Liz pouts and wants some more vodka, hoping she won't be able to remember this tomorrow. Even though she really wants to remember all of this. "Are you ever going to kiss me?"


She searches his eyes, hoping he'll tell her when. He can probably read her mind, because he smiles. "In time, Lemon. In time."

For now, he kisses her forehead, lingering while his thumb continues to stroke her cheek and Liz closes her eyes. "You should get some sleep," he murmurs against her forehead, and pulls back, pushing himself to his feet.

"Yeah. It's getting late," she sighs, rolling into her back.

"Actually, I believe it's considered 'early' now. I take it you're not doing some extra work over the weekend on that 'Celebrity American Gladiators' sketch?"

"No. Pete can do it. You're right, I gotta sleep." She throws a hand over her eyes and ponders sneaking a bit more vodka after Jack leaves.

"Lemon, I'm not about to let you sleep on your dingey floor."

"You were just lying on my dingey floor. What are you complaining about?"

"You'll be far too cold, and any throw blankets I've seen around here have been sub-par at best. Go to bed."

"I don't want to. Alanis Morissette never mentioned this part in her song."


"That you're kind of a bossy jerk sometimes."

She can feel him smiling without seeing him as he bends down to her. "A bossy jerk that cares deeply for you and doesn't want you to be cold lying on this floor. Come on."

Maybe it's the alcohol, but she feels like she's airborne for a few seconds until she lands. And then she realizes Jack's carrying her to bed. She loops her arms around his shoulders and burrows into his neck. "Can I just sleep here?"

"You know you become awfully affectionate and honest when you're drunk. I find that interesting."

"I find you interesting," she mutters back, and wishes he could shut up so she could sleep.

Jack chuckles and soon he's lying her in her bed. "You're a master of ribaldry and wit as well. Go to sleep."

"Fine, I will." She curls into her pillows. "G'night, Jack."

"Goodnight, Liz," is the last thing she hears when she starts to drift off.

And she falls asleep with a smile on her face, thinking of Alanis Morissette songs and that hypothetical, maybe-someday kiss that Jack planted in her mind.

She can't help it; and it's definitely all his fault.


{x-posted to jack_liz and 30_rock}
stresseaterstresseater on March 21st, 2008 05:42 pm (UTC)
Yes! Head Over Feet is a perfect song for these two! (I wish someone would make a fanvid, hint hint. :D)
mybaloney on March 21st, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
Fanvid, huh? Hm...I just might have to do that.
(no subject) - regalish on March 21st, 2008 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mybaloney on March 21st, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - regalish on March 23rd, 2008 05:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - regalish on March 21st, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
one of them: SN RippedPantsburnutica on March 21st, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
That was awesome!!! Keep writing!
a.: dd/ga; hold on tightregalish on March 21st, 2008 07:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much!
mybaloney on March 21st, 2008 07:14 pm (UTC)
This whole fic is made of WIN. You always write them so perfectly!

"I knew it! I knew it doesn't even take guys the length of a shower to get over a relationship. What is with you people?"
Jack raises his eyebrows and follows her -- closely -- while she stumbles around her living room. "We're sorry."

...He's being very calm about the fact that Alanis Morissette knows what's going on between them, and has written a song about it ten years before it happened.

LOL. And Jagged Little Pill is the perfect album for her to listen to btw. Now how about that one song from So-Called Chaos called "Everything." That could be a sweet Jack/Liz song too. Um, how about everyone just make fanvids with Alanis songs behind them. Because that could work...maybe too well.
a.: tina; is the queen of comedyregalish on March 21st, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC)
Haha, thanks!

And LOL, Alanis may be a closet Jack/Liz shipper... before there was Jack/Liz! Hahaha.

And alright, since I'm already doing "Head Over Feet" how about you take "Everything"? ;D
Kat: company: poor baby_forpele on March 21st, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC)
I love this!!!

"Do you ever think about the things Alanis Morissette says, Jack?"
I can 100% hear drunk-Liz saying this haha.
You & your fics make procrastination wayyyy too easy. My papers will be sub-par and it's ALL YOUR FAULT.
(or mine.. since I've had them for months but chose to ignore them haha)
a.: rachel; gleeba!regalish on March 23rd, 2008 05:25 am (UTC)
Hehe, thanks! I can't resist writing drunk!Liz, she's too adorable.

And LOL, I will take the blame if your grade suffers ;)
amelia: txf: m/s dancingxanya on March 22nd, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Oh, drunk!Liz. She's so adorable (just like Jack). This was great, unsurprisingly enough. You really have a knack for them, which makes me happy because I get to read it. Like Liz, I want Jack to kiss her pretty soon. That'd be excellent. I think you captured them perfectly. You make me want to write fic instead of my essay, but the problem is I'm a horrible writer as I have no patience, and also this essay really needs to be written. BUT WRITE MORE BECAUSE I LOVE IT.
a.: jack/liz; balconyregalish on March 23rd, 2008 05:27 am (UTC)
Drunk!Liz and drunk!Jack are absolutely adorable. Which is why I firmly believe we need to see them being drunk, together. It would make my life pretty much.

And thank you so much! There will be plenty more Jack/Liz fics in the near future :)
I work, I function like i'm a girl.: jack/lizokelay on March 22nd, 2008 07:21 am (UTC)
this is really cute, absolutely wonderful!

and btw,a vid sounds fantastic
a.: jack/liz; 10 secondsregalish on March 23rd, 2008 05:27 am (UTC)
Thanks much! :)

Hehe, I will definitely get back to working on that vid. It's been forever since I've made a Jack/Liz vid.
van_canucksvan_canucks on March 22nd, 2008 08:32 am (UTC)
AH! This is the cutest thing ever. I'm giggling like a school girl right now, and I'm pretty sure it's because of this story.

I am sooo adding this to my memories :)
a.: jack/liz; followshipregalish on March 23rd, 2008 05:28 am (UTC)
Heeee! Thank you so much! I just love drunk!Liz way too much and felt I had to devote an entire fic to her :D
(Deleted comment)
a.: scully; has been druggedregalish on March 24th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
I LOVE DRUNK!LIZ. SO MUCH. Hahaha. And I agree, I was really hoping she'd get drunk with Jack in 2x10. *sigh*

So glad you liked this! Also: I ♥ your icon. That's such a great episode. "Baby me again and you'll be peeing through a catheter." LOL! SCULLYYYYY.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - regalish on March 25th, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - regalish on March 26th, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Fi: 30rockjacklizmuldy on March 24th, 2008 01:28 pm (UTC)
Aaaaw that's so cute! I loved it :-)
a.: jack/liz; followshipregalish on March 24th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it :)
stephen@charleneforever.com: 30 rock: jack/liz & take my handmichellek on March 25th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
Last week, I heard "Head Over Feet" on the radio and thought of Jack/Liz, so it's kind of weird that you wrote this fic/are making a fanvid. (Unless you mentioned that you were making a fanvid and it slipped my mind but affected my interpretation of the song on some level?) This was adorable and funny and I greatly enjoyed it.

Alanis is right. Alanis is so right. Liz has choked before. And she learned from it. She learned that she should probably avoid choking. Wow. This album goes so much deeper than she ever imagined.

"I don't continually think about you, Jack. I think about food and pioneers and stuff too."

These parts made me LOL. ♥
a.: liz; and her ham napkinregalish on March 25th, 2008 01:35 am (UTC)
OMG that is freaky but awesome! LOL. I don't think I've mentioned doing the vid, but yeah. I've always thought it was SUCH a Jack/Liz song :D

I'm actually posting a fanmix at some point tonight and that song will be on there ;)

I'm so glad you liked this fic! This is what happens when I get bored at work, lol! I got another idea for a Jack/Liz fic today too but didn't have a chance to work on it. It's about Liz, Jack, and a personal ad. And I'm betting you could guess where it goes ♥
csiAngel: 30 Rock J/Lcsiangel on March 26th, 2008 09:13 pm (UTC)
Awww. This is fab! Head Over Feet fits perfectly! And I love drunken Liz coming to that realisation. :-D And Jack is so sweet!!! You totally rock!! keep writing!
a.: jack/liz; black & whiteregalish on March 26th, 2008 11:57 pm (UTC)
Heee! Thanks, Jac! Glad you liked this one. Ever since I got into Jack/Liz I've thought Head Over Feet was SO perfect. ♥
(Anonymous) on June 13th, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
Oh my god
Absolute brilliance, so perfect, one of my all time favorite 30 rocks.
a.: amber; light for the deadvineregalish on June 13th, 2008 02:27 am (UTC)
Re: Oh my god
Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked this! :)
midnightxgarden: [30rock] jack/liz (secret smiles)midnightxgarden on September 28th, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC)
I loved this! I have recently gotten into the show, and I was driving home from work this afternoon and this song came on, and IT'S SO THEM was my only thought the whole song.
a.regalish on October 4th, 2008 12:21 am (UTC)
That song IS so them, hehe. I've loved it for years and as soon as I started shipping Jack/Liz, I totally connected it to them.

I'm so glad you liked this fic!! :)