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19 May 2007 @ 10:05 pm
Being A Donaghy [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: Being A Donaghy
CHAPTER 1: Think About It
FANDOM: 30 Rock
SPOILERS: Through "Corporate Crush"
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is for dollsome who very sneakily piqued my interest in Jack/Liz. It's all her fault I've become downright obsessed with them and their crazy, magical weirdness.


When Jack opened that velvet box, Liz's heart had jumped into her throat, and she got that feeling; that weird, almost pre-diarrhea feeling, like she'd had bad clams or something. He was making a huge mistake, proposing to that British bird-bone chippie.

"Jack. JACK!" Liz practically bolted from her office and grabbed Jack's arm, dragging him into the office with her. "I need to speak with you, immediately."

"Lemon," he huffed impatiently, "Can't you see I'm right in the middle of--"

"NOW." The small velvet ring box snapped shut, and Jack apologized to a surprised-looking Phoebe as he got yanked inside Liz's office, the door slamming behind them.

"What are you doing?" she hissed, eyes wide.

"I'm trying to propose to Phoebe, Lemon. You're kind of mucking it up."

"No no. No-no-no-no-no you cannot marry Phoebe, Jack! You just met her!"

"I have to do this. Everyone in the microwave division is married."

Liz made a face. "So?"

"So, don't you see? If I want to get back into the division, get my microwave ovens back, I have to play the game. I have to get married, Lemon."

"But you've just met Phoebe!" she exclaimed. "You don't even know her, except for the fact that she works at Christie's and has a weird bird-bone disease." She raised her eyebrows. "Is that what you want in a wife, Jack? Huh? Does that make you hot?"

He furrowed his own eyebrows. "Well I admit it's not ideal, but she does have good bone structure, so... that's something."

"Look, is it the fireworks, Jack? The microwave thing? Is that what's making you behave so... erratically? This isn't like you." Liz sat down in the chair across from her desk and folded her hands in her lap, leaning forward slightly. "You are doing fine. You have got to stop making yourself crazy over this. You don't have to do everything. You're still in charge of east coast television."

"Yes, but for how long before another... firework disaster strikes? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, Lemon. On thin ice. Toeing the line."

"I got it," she jumped in, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. "But thanks."

Jack got up and started wandering around her office thoughtfully, hands clasped behind his back while he perused the contents of her walls (or lack thereof) with the same amount of concentration as if he was visiting the Louvre. "I mean, who knows? Next week you might have my job and I'll be selling hot dogs... above 72nd street."

Liz's eyes (which were not at all shark-like) followed him on his journey around the room, and her brows flicked upward at his last statement. Then, as if the thought of going above 72nd absolutely terrified him, he spun with a frantic look in his eyes and reached into his pocket, pulling out the ring box again. "I must propose to Phoebe. I will not become a hot dog vendor."

"Jack, wait!" She jumped up from her chair and practically vaulted herself at him, grabbing the wrist that held the ring box. She took it from him and hid it behind her back. "I'm not going to let you do this."

"Lemon, don't try to be cute, you're too old for that. Give me the ring back, Phoebe is waiting to be proposed to."

"No, you can't have it." She shied away when he tried to reach around her, and jumped when his hands skimmed her waist. Her heart skipped in surprise. "Jack, stop. Stop."

He held his hands up and took a step back, then held out one for the ring. "Please may I have it?"

"Only if you promise not to go through with this," she said softly, feeling a strange pang at seeing him so distraught (either that or she was really hungry). "You're in a weird place and I think you need to take some time, and... put everything in perspective."

He nodded slowly, very slowly... while his eyes traced her face (in that way that kinda creeped her out but made her heart do weird things despite the creepiness). "You're right. You're absolutely right. I barely know Phoebe. I shouldn't marry her."

"Yes," she sighed, and slapped the ring box back into his open palm, but still held on to the box. "Thank you, Jack. You're making the right decision."

"What about you?" His eyes narrowed.

Liz cocked her head slightly. "What... about me?"

"What are you doing next weekend, Lemon?"

"Whyyyy?" she asked, slow and drawn out -- suspicious. He was getting that look in his eyes...

"So we can get married."

"What?!" She almost shrieked a laugh, and pressed her hand to her heart, which was beating very fast. "Jack, no!" She shook her head, "no," and started walking backward, retreating behind her desk. "No, no, no."

"Come on, Lemon. I hardly see your door being knocked down by throngs of suitors."

She glared at him. "You know I have a boyfriend."

He nodded. "Oh, right. Right, the Floydster." He shrugged. "Well, I'm sure he would understand."

"I really, really doubt that."

"Look." He bent slightly and leaned on her desk. "You and I both know you're not getting any younger--"

"Pffft!" she spat gracelessly. "Neither are you!"

"Exactly. And we... get along, to an extent. We like each other."

"Not so sure about that one."

"Well you've grown on me, Lemon. You're not nearly as frumpish as you were when we first met. Dare I say, you're nearly... pretty."

Liz just frowned, unsure of how to take that.

"And of course it doesn't take an advanced degree to see that I'm, well--" He smiled, a little bit bashful and a little bit smug. Liz wanted to either punch him or kiss him. "I'm actually rather dashing."

Liz continued to frown, unsure of how to respond to that.

"What I'm trying to say is... there's a possibility that this could work, Lemon."

"How on earth could you and I... married... ever work?"

"Well think about it. When people marry for passion or love, it always ends in anger, and bitterness, and arguments over who's going to keep the Arby's franchise or the private jet."

Liz nodded, "That is a big issue for a lot of couples, yes."

"I'm choosing to overlook the sarcasm in your tone, Lemon. And actually, your using humor as a defense mechanism, as a way of keeping people at a distance is almost... cute."

Before she could comment on that or even have time to ponder how she felt about that, he pressed on. "Perhaps a loveless, passionless marriage is just what I need to keep my head in the game." He looked at her pointedly. "Maybe you are what I need to keep my head in the game."

Her mouth opened and closed on unformed words. In a weird way, him saying he needed her was almost... sweet.

...Almost. "Jack, when I said not to jump into marrying someone you just met, what I really meant was don't jump into marrying anyone. Especially me."

"There doesn't have to be anything mushy or romantic about it, Lemon. For the honeymoon, you can go wherever you want, and I'll go someplace that's on the other side of the globe from you if you'd like. For the wedding night, we can have separate rooms, whatever you want. And you would have full access to all the free Arby's you could ever want in Telluride, Colorado."

"Wow," she whispered in mock awe. "What more could a girl ask for?"

"And..." He smiled, as if this would win her over. It wasn't that great a smile, and hardly cute at all in her opinion. Only sometimes it was cute. A little bit. "A ring." He tossed the velvet box over his shoulder and onto her couch, making a face as if it was garbage. "But not that ring, I can sell it back to the anonymous Arab. I'll do you one better. You will get my grandmother's ring. A Donaghy family heirloom."

Liz shook her head. "Jack, really, you don't--"

"No no, you deserve it." He shrugged. "And I don't think I'd have to spend that much to buy it off her." He frowned and cast his eyes to the ceiling thoughtfully. "Although, she is rather fond of it. Says crazy things like she wants to be buried with it..."

"Uh-huh..." She made a face.

"Just... think about it, Lemon." He chuckled. "Liz, I mean. I should really start calling you by your first name if we're going to be married."

She chuckled back, nervously. "Ha! No, you shouldn't... and we won't be."

"Think about it, Lemon. Just think about it. That's all I ask." He paused at the door, hand on the knob. "Now I have to go let Phoebe down. The poor girl, she's going to be crushed."

Liz watched him slip out and sighed exhaustedly, propping her elbows on her desk and dropping her chin into her hands. She stared at her couch, at the small velvet box that remained upturned, wedged between the cushions, and did something she never in a million years thought she would ever do.

She thought about marrying Jack Donaghy.


{x-posted to 30_rock and jack_liz}
Une Frakkante Cylonne: 30 rock- jemon bench- dollsomesunshine_queen on May 20th, 2007 03:24 am (UTC)
Well, you got me hooked.

(I'm a friend of dollsome's too! She got me into this and... omg crazy loooove.)
a.: J/L; let's waste timeregalish on May 20th, 2007 03:58 am (UTC)
Yay, I'm glad you liked it! Jack is SO intimidating to write, so this post was kinda scary, haha.

And yes. Jack/Liz is crazy/weird/awkward looooooove.
E Gspookster831 on May 20th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
Hee very nice.
a.: J/L; darling danke schoen;regalish on May 21st, 2007 10:54 pm (UTC)
Hehehe, thx!
Uther Pendragon's Loyal Wench: jack and liz blacktiefirthgal on May 20th, 2007 02:44 pm (UTC)
This was great! Nice twist on the events from that episode. Your characterizations were wonderful. Can't wait to read more!
a.: J/L; you leave me numbregalish on May 21st, 2007 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks much! I'm glad to hear the characterization's okay -- Jack's so darn scary to write :D

More to come soon!
(Anonymous) on May 21st, 2007 03:22 pm (UTC)
I love your story pls update soon!!!
a.: J/L; don't know why i'm still afraid;regalish on May 21st, 2007 10:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! Chapter two will be posted soon!
versus the world: [house] and the warmth surroundssinistercircus on July 4th, 2007 06:35 pm (UTC)
Great chapter, Caroline!

"Lemon, don't try to be cute, you're too old for that."
Best. Line. Ever.

Man, you're really getting a great handle on the sarcasm and the general rhythm of the show. I'm loving this! Can't wait to read all the other chapters! *runs off*

a.: TF; a smile that explodes;regalish on July 5th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
Yaaaaaay! Hehehehe. Thanks so much, Gomey!

And that line you love, I unfortunately can't take credit for, hehe. Jack actually said that to Liz in "Jack-Tor," but I loved it way too much. I had to use it! Bwahahaha.

I'm still so excited you're into this show now! You're in for so much fun!

♥!! *hug tackle*
(Deleted comment)
a.regalish on October 1st, 2007 01:07 am (UTC)
It's actually a 24-chaptered fic, all posted. In the list of tags on this entry, you should be able to click on either '30 Rock' or 'jack/liz' and find the rest :D

Glad you're liking it so far!
30rocker30rocker on November 1st, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
I'm gonna go ahead and review this...even if it is a little bit late... but, well this story is just pretty much amazing! I have read the whole series multiple times, and it gets better each time. Your stories are what got me hooked on Jack/Liz (seriously, its an obsession) and you write them so well.
The best way to say this is- I love your stories so much I wanna take them behind the middle school and get them pregnant. Thats all I can say.
Keep up the amazing work!!
visualthinker11/radio_silent: (dr) awesome rayradio_silent on August 14th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
haha, nice! i was sent here by one ozfroggirl, and now i've got to go and read the rest of it. i love the way you write these characters- it's dead-on.