Log in

No account? Create an account
15 December 2007 @ 01:35 pm
Eff Buddies [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: Eff Buddies
FANDOM: 30 Rock
SPOILERS: Season two, pre-CC


"What?!" Liz almost chokes on her Snapple, and is glad it's a liquid she's choking on. "What did you just say?"

Jack blinks and shrugs as if he hasn't just said the most alarming thing ever. "I simply was pointing out that neither of us really have anything going on in our love-lives post-Phoebe and Floyd, so I think it's only natural that my mind would drift to you and I coming up with an alternate... arrangement."


"It won't ruin the friendship, Lemon. People do this all the time. We'll simply be friends... work associates, that... see each other from time-to-time. Casually. And naked. Without strings."

She's positive her eyebrows have never climbed so high on her forehead. "Jack... are you asking me to be fuck buddies with you?"

Jack immediately balks at this, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't degrade our new potential arrangement to Carrie Bradshaw-esque terminology," and Liz can't help but wonder if he's got all six seasons of Sex and the City on DVD.

When she presents this hypothesis to Jenna (minus how the conversation started, because... God, she so does not need that headache), all Jenna says in response is, "He is such a Samantha."

Liz isn't entirely sure she wants to know what that means.


It takes two days for Liz to approach Jack again about that weird proposition. Unfortunately, it's at a time when she feels particularly frustrated with her (sex) life, or lack thereof. She knows she should say no, to tell Jack to find some vapid supermodel to waste his time on, but... she's not sure she wants to subject the supermodels to Jack. They have enough issues.

She's already in his office, standing in front of his desk while he looks expectantly up at her, and she's totally about to say something (about to say yes to this whole crazy thing, Oprah help her) when Jack beats her to it.

"Lemon, I must say, I'm still quite bothered by the terminology you used the other day. This... 'fuck buddies' term."

"Right. Okay...?" Why did she come here again?

"It doesn't sound very professional."

But co-workers boffing each other with no strings attached is the epitome of professionalism. God, she so does not understand men sometimes. All the time. "Alright." She frowns. "What term would you like me to use?"

Jack ponders this a moment before he comes up with 'copulation colleagues' which... to Liz... sounds like a REALLY demented show on Nickelodeon... or some weirdo reality show. Which she tells Jack.

Jack then spends the rest of the day coming up with ideas for a sexy new workplace reality show, which of course he'll call 'Copulation Colleagues.' He's going to push for a January premiere.


"Jack, no, we can't do this!" Another two days later Liz finally says this to him.

"Lemon, I've already started the casting call process. We need to move on this if it's going to premiere in January."

"No!" She shakes her head -- he hasn't stopped talking about that damn 'Copulation Colleagues' for two days. "Not that. The other thing."

Jack looks genuinely confused. He purses his lips and she tries not to watch. "What other thing?"

"Us! Being f--" She almost says the term he hates, and knows that he caught it too in the way his eyes widen. She quickly moves to correct herself, "Copulation colleagues. We can't."

"Fine, Lemon." He's calm, almost indifferent, and... it kinda pisses her off a little bit.

"Ugh! I hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" He goes to sit behind his desk and looks up at her. Blinks innocently.

The bastard was playing a game with her.

"Do that... that thing where you act like you don't care and you're all smug and I want to smack you for it! I hate that!"

"I apologize, Lemon, it's not my intention to... do that."

"Y'know, if you really want to be fuck buddies that bad -- yeah! That's right, Jack, I said fuck buddies! -- then let's go! You and me! Right now!"

Maybe it's the yelling, she's not certain. But Jack suddenly gets this weird look in his eyes and he's on his feet... he's kissing her. Hard.

It's not that bad. He's actually pretty good at it. So when they head back to her place, Liz has high hopes.


Okay, so the first time they do it it's just kind of... alright. Not bad, but not great either. Just kind of... weird. Definitely not the weirdest sexual experience she's ever had. No, that one time Conan wanted her to call him 'Big Daddy' was... well, that was really messed up.

And this, this thing with Jack is... well, kinda awkward. They've been laying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, holding hands for like ten minutes, and nobody's said anything. She almost wishes she's had experience with this before. Maybe she'd know what the hell to do. Is she supposed to get dressed? Is she supposed to tell him to get dressed? Are they supposed to high five and congratulate each other?

"Well, that was... different," she finally says, and she makes a face at herself. What the hell is wrong with her?

"Different?" Jack's head swivels on the pillow to look at her. "What kind of sex do you normally have, Lemon?"

She raises an eyebrow. "The kind that doesn't involve you. Or... anyone."

Jack gives her a look...

"Not that!" She wrinkles her nose. "Gross."

They fall into awkward silence again, and finally Liz has to just fake falling asleep until Jack leaves. When she hears the front door shut, she sighs and opens her eyes, getting out of bed and heading straight for the takeout menus.

God, that was awkward. Hopefully that meant Jack would drop the subject and they could forget about this whole stupid thing.


"Lemon, I've been thinking about what happened between us the other night..." he greets her as he barges into her office.

She sighs. Well, there goes that whole thing about forgetting about that... whole thing. "Okay..."

"I think we should give it another go."

She looks up at him with raised eyebrows. "What? No, Jack, we're not doing that ever again. That was really really bad."

Jack looks almost wounded. "Well, it wasn't the greatest I've ever had either, but I wouldn't say it was bad. I think we just maybe need more... practice."

He says this in a very logical, practical way that really weirds her out. She makes a face. "What are we, a sports team? Jack, get out of here! I have to work." But even as she says this and looks down at where her keyboard should be, all she finds is a sandwich. That kinda gives her away right there.

When she looks up at Jack again, he nods slowly, face shuttered and impossible to read. "Right. You're absolutely right, Lemon. I should leave. I see you have your, uh... plate full, so to speak-"

She glares at him.

"-so I'll catch up with you later."

"Nothing to catch up about, Jack!" she calls after him, but he's already gone. She looks down at the plate accusingly, silently demanding to know why it couldn't have been a keyboard, before she sighs heavily and wonders what the hell she's supposed to do about Jack.

She pushes the plate away. He will not make her stress eat. He will not.

Oh, screw it. She's tearing into that sandwich.


Liz tries very hard not to tell Jenna later that afternoon what happened between her and Jack. And to her credit, Jenna makes it easy on her by talking about her latest conquest, Ethan, which... actually just sounds like she's fallen in love with another gay guy.

"And he's won six ballroom dancing medals, Liz! Six! He's got this gorgeous body, too, and get this -- he loves to shop! I mean, does he sound like the perfect guy or what?"

Liz nods absently. "Yeah. Perfect."

"We're having another date tonight. He's coming over and we're going to watch Some Like It Hot. I've got this huge thing for Tony Curtis, and as it turns out - so does Ethan! It's like we're meant to be, Liz!"

"Right. Totally."

"Are you even listening to me?"

Luckily, over the years knowing Jenna, Liz has become very adept at picking up phrases here and there to parrot back at Jenna to prove that yes, she was listening. Even though she's totally not. What the hell is she supposed to do about Jack?

Seeing him in the halls intermittently all day long has been driving her nuts. Especially with the way he'd nod, all cordially, and greet her with a lilting, "Lemon," that sounds totally smug and makes her want to kick him in the crotch.

"Lemon..." There it is again, and please oh please can she just kick him in the crotch?

"Hi, Jack!" Jenna's always way too enthusiastic to see him, always searching for any scrap of acknowledgement he'll throw her way. She really needs to work out those daddy issues.

"Hello, Jenna, nice to see you again," Jack spouts off a little too quickly without even looking at her. Then he grabs Liz's elbow. "Uh, Lemon, if I may please speak with you a moment."

"No, sorry." But he's already dragging her off anyway.

Liz clenches her teeth as Jack steers her toward the elevator, his hand now at the small of her back. And that's not really helping matters because now all she can do is think of the moments that weren't so bad about the other night, when his hand was... other places... and it actually felt pretty good. And that's highly frustrating, because she really does not want that to happen ever again.

"Lemon..." he starts in that low rasp as the doors slide shut and he presses the button for his floor.

He never gets to finish, though, because that's the moment Liz snaps, and shoves him against the wall of the elevator. Then, inexplicably, they're kissing. Her hands are on his face and his are on her hips, and well... she never said the kissing part was bad. That was actually the best part about this mini-disaster.

But unfortunately, it's the kissing that makes her body remember the other non-bad stuff, and Liz finds herself pressing tight against Jack as his hands slide down past her hips, and... well, maybe they could give this another try.

She breaks away long enough to breathe out, "Your place. Eight o'clock. The last time."

Jack nods and kisses her again, then has to know, "Why my place?"

"So I can bolt properly if it gets weird again."

"Fair enough."


{x-posted to 30_rock and jack_liz}
lily bart: 30rock ღ everytime i meet someone...everypoembreaks on December 15th, 2007 10:02 pm (UTC)
Oh man, I have totally missed you writing those two. This is amazing, you completely had me sucked in with that Snapple reference.

But I really want to believe Jack is a Miranda. ;]
a.: jack/liz; are neither normal nor happy;regalish on December 27th, 2007 04:46 am (UTC)
Aww, thanks! I've really enjoyed writing these two again.

And LOL I admit, I've never actually seen 'Sex and the City'; I'm just familiar with the names ;)
stephen@charleneforever.com: 30 rock: jack/liz (& thought bubble)michellek on December 16th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)
I laughed all the way through this. I missed you writing these two so much. This was my favorite thing, I think:

Jack immediately balks at this, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't degrade our new potential arrangement to Carrie Bradshaw-esque terminology," and Liz can't help but wonder if he's got all six seasons of Sex and the City on DVD.

Hee! Looking forward to the next part.
a.: jack/liz; take care of youregalish on December 27th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
Hahaha, thanks so much! Glad you liked this; I really missed writing these two. They're so unique to any pairing I've written.

And lol glad you like the SatC reference! :D

I'm hoping to get back to work on the second part soon!
Hannah Banana!: 30 Rock/Liz takes a breakhazz23 on December 16th, 2007 02:13 am (UTC)
LOL. Great fic. Well written.
a.: cuddy; is photogenicregalish on December 27th, 2007 04:53 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! :)
Uther Pendragon's Loyal Wench: Andy OMGfirthgal on December 16th, 2007 02:59 am (UTC)
Squeeeeeeeeeee!!!! You're back, you're back, you're back!!! I LOVED this, especially that moment in the elevator where she just lost it and shoved him against the wall and laid one on him. SO sexy. The dialogue in this was great too, loved Jack's comment about Sex and the City. And the exchange at the end about why Jack's place was absolutely brilliant. Can't wait for part 2!
a.: grillows; wipes the floor with geekloveregalish on December 29th, 2007 01:02 am (UTC)
I am tardy to the response party! LOL, shame on me.

ANYWAY. I am SO excited to be writing Jack/Liz again. They have such a unique tone and relationship; I've missed them.

Part two is on its way! :D
Miamie: 30 Rock: Alec Baldwin Creditscsi_miamie126 on December 16th, 2007 03:41 am (UTC)
"Alright." She frowns. "What term would you like me to use?"

Jack ponders this a moment before he comes up with 'copulation colleagues' which... to Liz... sounds like a REALLY demented show on Nickelodeon... or some weirdo reality show. Which she tells Jack.

YOU'REEEE BAAAACKKKK! Hee! And just in time for the holidays! Nice. :D

And the fic has a "TBC" in the end! *squeeeee to death*

Welcome back! And I am loving this fic!

a.: ot4; we want it allregalish on December 29th, 2007 01:03 am (UTC)
Hahahaha! Sorry for the late response, but yes I am back as it seems :D I've missed writing these two crazy kids.

Part two is on its way! :)
mayonegg: Liz Lemon is cold in a rainbowmayonegg on December 16th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC)
This is my 1st Jack/Liz fic! I loved it; can't wait for the next installment.

I loved the part with the sandwhitch.
mayonegg: Liz Lemon is cold in a rainbowmayonegg on December 16th, 2007 04:14 am (UTC)
a.: mischa; flyingregalish on December 29th, 2007 01:05 am (UTC)
Sorry for such a late response! I'm glad you're enjoying this (and your FIRST Jack/Liz fic! *sobs* I'M SO PROUD OF YOU); and the sandwich part was my fave to write, lol. Gotta love Liz and her stress-eating :D
mayonegg: Liz Lemon is cold in a rainbowmayonegg on December 29th, 2007 05:38 am (UTC)
I'm a Jack/Liz shipper now! Although, I must say, I don't necessarily want them to get together on the show (I like their weird platonic relationship the way it is!). I'm content with them just being fannon.
Lord Arlen's wife: 30 Rock - Jack/Lizladyanneboleyn on December 16th, 2007 06:53 am (UTC)
Wow. I can't WAIT for part 2!
a.: liz; if she was any other woman on earthregalish on December 29th, 2007 01:03 am (UTC)
Heee! Thanks so much! :)
csiAngel: 30 Rock J/Lcsiangel on December 16th, 2007 05:10 pm (UTC)
Totally brilliant! I've missed your Jack/Liz fic!!! I look forward to more :-) Yay!
a.: dd/ga; hold on tightregalish on December 29th, 2007 01:04 am (UTC)
*giggle* Thanks, Jac!! I've missed writing Jack and Liz SO much. There's a tone completely unique to them that's an absolute blast to write. Hopefully my hiatus won't last as long as the last one; ah, that flighty little muse ;D

Part two's on the way!
Cross Word: Jack and Lizgoodtoast on January 1st, 2008 11:24 pm (UTC)
How on Earth did I miss this?!? *fails at life* I only just found it now because I saw on himym_fic that you've written Barney/Robin (OMGOMGOMG I LURVE THEM). Add me to the team that's super excited you're writing Jack and Liz again (yessssssssssss) : )

My favorite part has to be this: Jack then spends the rest of the day coming up with ideas for a sexy new workplace reality show, which of course he'll call 'Copulation Colleagues.' He's going to push for a January premiere.

His lack of understanding/blatant ignoring of Liz's sarcasm gets me every time. There's such a fine line in writing this, but you got it down completely. Weird, but not too weird. Jack-like!

And, Jenna, Jenna, Jenna. How I've missed her. Ethan IS her total soulmate (hee!). But, to give her a little credit, she likes Tony Curtis, which is just so much better than liking,...I don't know... David Blaine? (Although DB is funnier)

Very much looking forward to the next part!
a.: jack/liz; are neither normal nor happy;regalish on January 17th, 2008 03:42 am (UTC)
The real question is: How did I miss this? LOL. Major fail on the part of my BlackBerry for not alerting me.

I love so much that you pointed out the Copulation Colleagues thing. That was my absolute favorite line to write and I'm beyond thrilled that you liked it so much!

And Jenna falling in love with gay guys, LOL. HAD to bring that little tidbit about her back. :D

I'm trying to find a good closer for this fic currently; once I do, I'll post!
meganp6 on January 11th, 2008 12:28 am (UTC)
Yey!!!! You wrote another one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, folowing the natural order this was the first one but I read it after reading the other so...oh who cares, you wrote another fic!!!LOL God god god, how I missed these two!!!!! And that elevator scene, OMG! So sexy!! Don't stop writing. Ever again, did you hear me young lady?! lol I can't live without my JL fix and you know that! Gosh, I missed your writing! And I know I had already mentioned that before but it's true!

Thanks for another great one!! Hugs,
a.regalish on January 17th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
HEEEE! Why yes I did write another :D

That elevator scene was so fun to write, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Hahaha! I'll try not to take such a long hiatus from JL from now on, so I can keep getting you your fix ;)

Thanks muchly, sweetie! *hugs*
нσω ∂σ уσυ нσℓ∂ α мσση вєαм ιη уσυʀ нαη∂?: {30 Rock} JL - Love in an elevatorfiddlings on January 16th, 2008 03:26 am (UTC)
Okay, well, first of all, that summary cracked. me. up. It was just worded so well, and I could TOTALLY see him saying that, all matter-of-fact. :D

And, LMAO, you pimped the Snapple, just like they always do!

'copulation colleagues'

HAHAHAHAHA!! That is officially the best term ever! :D

I am seriously in awe of how perfectly you have captured these characters. Actually, you've just captured the feeling of the show, period. The characters were dead-on, the atmosphere was right, and there was something to make me laugh out loud every 10 seconds.

FANTASTIC JOB. I couldn't think of a better way to introduce myself to 30 Rock fic, and I can't wait for more of this. :)
a.: jack/liz; with just a touchregalish on January 17th, 2008 04:02 am (UTC)
HEEEEEE. Have I mentioned enough how excited I am that you're into 30 Rock now? :D I AM SO EXCITED.

I HAD to pimp the Snapple. Just had to :D

I really enjoy writing these characters so much; their pacing, dialogue, etc. is SO unique to any other show on TV right now; so I'm thrilled that you think I've been able to capture their essence. So thank you so much!

courtney_mudie7: liz: a dog took itcourtney_mudie7 on March 3rd, 2008 12:45 pm (UTC)
omg! talk about great fic! love it! this would have to be one of my fave jack/liz fics by far!

awesomely written!
a.: jack/liz; black & whiteregalish on March 6th, 2008 06:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I really tried to keep the rhythm of the show as I wrote this, so I'm thrilled to hear you enjoyed it. :D
Sofia Kunglszoszo on April 27th, 2011 02:04 am (UTC)
For some reason I love it that you didn't write their first time perfect!!!