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07 March 2008 @ 09:27 pm
(If Only I Don't) Bend and Break [30 Rock; Jack/Liz]  
TITLE: (If Only I Don't) Bend and Break
CHAPTER 2
FANDOM: 30 Rock
PAIRING: Jack/Liz
SPOILERS: 2x10
RATING: PG
SUMMARY:


*****

The free food is pretty much amazing. They announce that there will be prime rib for dinner (with au jus, which Liz is staying away from until she can assure herself she won't spill it all over her dress) as well as some sort of fancy potato, and beforehand there are some awesome appetizers. Liz is too busy with the shrimp toast, though, to bother with the other appetizers.

"Lemon, you might want to slow down. There's been talk of the catering staff running out of shrimp toast," Jack warns her lowly while slapping a piece out of her hand.

"Ow! Jack, come on." She's not above picking that shrimp toast up off the floor and eating it. She's not. "You lure me here with the promise of free food and then just expect me not to eat all of it that I possibly can? Yeah. Keep dreamin', Jack." She looks at the half-eaten piece of shrimp toast on the floor, then up at Jack, and defiantly grabs a new piece off the tray going by without even looking. She tears a chunk out of it and hopes some crumbs get on his suit as she tells him with her mouth full (while pointing at him with the shrimp toast), "Quit telling me to stop eating. This isn't fat camp."

"Lemon, I'm not telling you to stop eating. I wouldn't. I've only said that to one person in my entire life."

Alright, now she's gotta know. "Who was it?"

Jack shakes his head and looks around the crowded room. "You know me, Lemon, I'm not a name-dropper. But suffice it to say, America's leading black talk show host apparently doesn't like being told she's gained weight." As if he needs to defend himself, he adds, "But someone had to tell her! And as if Stedman was going to suddenly grow a pair? Please." He chuckles the 'please' as if the notion was preposterous.

Liz so does not get him sometimes. That is when she puts on her fake smile. Like right now. "Right," and chuckles in that fake way.

Jack doesn't notice, luckily, as he's grabbing two champagne flutes off a passing tray. He hands one to her and toasts, for the second time in the last year, "To us."

Liz makes sure not to ask if it's a date this time. No, instead she tips her head back and downs her champagne in one gulp, because this is going to be one damn long night.


*****

The fundraiser is a silent auction, and there's tons of cool crap up for bid. There's a trip to Italy, which she jots down a bid of twenty dollars for (who knows? It could happen) as well as a yacht, some golf clubs that belonged to a president or something, pretentious art, and some other rich-people-crap that Liz could never want. Or afford.

When it's time for the dinner, they sit down at a table full of some rich fat guys that Jack already knows. Apparently they're not here to support Obama -- they want to win a bunch of stuff from the auction and then put it up for bid at the McCain fundraiser. What the hell is up with rich people?

She's introduced to a Lance, a Gary, Bob, and Steve. They all look pretty much alike, and she wonders how the hell she's going to tell them apart after she's had another glass of champagne. She's already having a hard enough time as it is.

"So Jack, who is this lovely woman and what is she doing with you?"

Liz can't help but smile. Jack looks over to smile at her and then gestures from her to his friends, "This is Elizabeth Lemon, my live-in girlfriend."

Ah, so they're playing that game tonight. At least she's semi-certain C.C. won't go Bianca on her ass (a new expression she's coined). She shakes all of their hands. "Pleased to meet you."

"What'd you bid on tonight, Donaghy?" Gary (or maybe Bob... Steve?) asks.

Proudly, Jack informs them, "I'm going to win the yacht this evening, gentlemen."

"Well then you'd better be prepared for a fight," one of the other ones (now that's gotta be Gary. Or Lance) laughs and takes a drink of his scotch. "Johnny Mac would go nuts if we put a yacht up for bid at his thing next weekend."

Liz wrinkles her nose. "You call Senator McCain 'Johnny Mac?'" Seriously. What the hell is with rich people. She gulps the rest of her champagne and asks a passing waiter for another.

"If you've ever seen him plow through a Big Mac, you'd get it," one of them tells her. It's useless trying to figure out which one of them it is at this point.

Her eyes light up. "John McCain loves Big Macs?" That may be the most awesome thing she'll hear all night long. It can only go downhill from here.

"Oh my God."

"What?" She looks over at Jack -- she'd kinda forgotten him in all the McCain-y Big Mac hooplah.

Jack's eyes are wide and he's focused on something on the other side of the room. Liz turns to look, and spots C.C. staring at them from over by the grand staircase.

"Blerg," she sighs, and knocks back her second glass of champagne as soon as it hits the table.

Yep. Things are definitely gonna go downhill from here.



TBC

{x-posted to 30_rock and jack_liz}
 
 
 
Cross Word: Jack and Lizgoodtoast on March 8th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC)
Whaaaaa? Can I be so lucky?! I find a chapter I missed, and you just post a new one too?!? You spoil us rotten!

She looks at the half-eaten piece of shrimp toast on the floor, then up at Jack, and defiantly grabs a new piece off the tray going by without even looking.
You may have not looked, Liz, but you were thinking about that 5 second rule, weren't you? Jack can't take you anywhere nice! Anyways, this bit made me giggle. It's so Liz. She loves her shrimp toast so.

I'm very interested in seeing what you think C.C.'s reaction is going to be. She was such a likeable character, even in the end, on the show, so who knows...? Is she going to be understanding? Or is she going to turn out to be a crazy ala Biana? Hmmm!

Her eyes light up. "John McCain loves Big Macs?" That may be the most awesome thing she'll hear all night long. It can only go downhill from here.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. I don't care that this isn't true. It's my personal fanon (politcal fanon? ew...?) now!!!!
a.: jack/liz; balconyregalish on March 10th, 2008 02:10 am (UTC)
Heeeee! Thanks so much, sweetie! I'm glad you're loving this! :D

And spoil you? You guys spoil ME. You guys that review every single fic, it just means the world to me. My inspiration to keep it up :)

C.C. really was such a likeable character. I thought that was a nice turn-around from Phoebe. And as far as how she's going to react? You shall have to wait and seeeeee! :D :D :D

LOLOL! Glad you loved the McCain stuff too. More soon!
Dayna: 30 rock; jack/liz; elevatordaynawashere on March 8th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC)
HEE! This is absolutely wonderful. The whole first section was hilarious. I especially liked "You know me, Lemon, I'm not a name-dropper. But suffice it to say, America's leading black talk show host apparently doesn't like being told she's gained weight." SO PERFECTLY JACK xD In fact, your Jack voice throughout is really flawless - I can totally hear Alec saying it all, especially the insults.

I'm so looking forward to C.C.'s reaction - in spite of being a total Jack/Liz shipper, I quite liked C.C., so I'm eager to see what you've got planned for her xD
a.: friends; donny & marie?regalish on March 10th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
I really liked C.C. too! There was even a small part of me that shipped Jack/C.C. just a little bit :) I really hope you guys like what I've got in store for her!

And LOL I'm glad you liked the Oprah part; that was my absolute fave part to write. Jack has such a distinct voice -- and nobody can deliver his lines like Baldwin. I have to pay due homage to that :)

Thanks so much! More to come soon.
Kat: you oughta know_forpele on March 8th, 2008 10:58 am (UTC)
I'm interested to see what C.C. will think, especially since she knows Liz on a personal level, unlike Bianca did. Will she even believe it?
I really like this, by the way, and all of your other stories as well! Please keep writing :)
a.: jack/liz; two sides of the same coinregalish on March 10th, 2008 02:03 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! I'm having a great time writing C.C. so far; hopefully you'll like what I've come up with :)
bitebyte: force choke 30rockbitebyte on March 8th, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
You're spot on with the characters, I love it.

JOHNNY MAC. Best made up name ever.
a.: liz; and her ham napkinregalish on March 10th, 2008 01:58 am (UTC)
Thanks so much!

And LOL I'm glad everybody's liking the McCain nickname :D
lily barteverypoembreaks on March 8th, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
Johnny Mac: Yes, McCain does need a pet name. I don't know why I hadn't yet considered that!

Brilliant, as always. ;]
a.: jack/liz; 10 secondsregalish on March 10th, 2008 01:53 am (UTC)
Haha! I couldn't resist the nickname for McCain :)

And thanks! Glad ya liked it.
courtney_mudie7: jack/liz: black tiecourtney_mudie7 on March 9th, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
Yay! can't wait for the next chapter :D That was awesome!
a.: liz; beautyregalish on March 10th, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! :)
do I dare to eat a peach?: (30r) lemonstop_theworld on March 9th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC)
Ha! I love this. The entire first paragraph detailing the food was awesome. I died at "Johnny Mac" and Jack's oh-so-subtle reference to yet another of his big-name girlfriends.

Ach! Another cliffhanger! I can't wait for more. This is so engaging and entertaining and wonderful!
a.: liz; lemonregalish on March 10th, 2008 01:52 am (UTC)
Hehehe, thank you muchly! I can't help but focus a bit on Liz's lust for food :D

And LOL "Johnny Mac" was a total last minute toss-in. I'm glad you liked this!
van_canucksvan_canucks on March 9th, 2008 10:08 am (UTC)
"This is Elizabeth Lemon, my live-in girlfriend." --You wish Jack. And so do I, actually. Spot on with the characters, especially Liz and when it comes to wanting to eat stuff off the floor. Pop tarts, anyone?

Please continue!
a.regalish on March 10th, 2008 01:02 am (UTC)
Haha! We ALL wish :D

Thanks so much! I TOTALLY thought of the Pop Tart thing too when I was writing that part!

More soon!
Mrs. Hatter: 30 Rock-Favorite episode!sunday_luncheon on March 9th, 2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
"Lemon, you might want to slow down. There's been talk of the catering staff running out of shrimp toast," Jack warns her lowly while slapping a piece out of her hand."

Awesome! I'm new to this community, just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying this fic. We need more fics that pick up after the last episode, so that April 10th comes a little faster.
a.: jack/liz; affectionregalish on March 10th, 2008 01:50 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you're enjoying this!

And I agree - we DEFINITELY need more fics that follow this episode; it was an amazingly-shippy one :)
stephen@charleneforever.com: 30 rock: jack/liz & distancemichellek on March 12th, 2008 04:39 am (UTC)
"You know me, Lemon, I'm not a name-dropper. But suffice it to say, America's leading black talk show host apparently doesn't like being told she's gained weight." As if he needs to defend himself, he adds, "But someone had to tell her! And as if Stedman was going to suddenly grow a pair? Please." He chuckles the 'please' as if the notion was preposterous.

Haaaaaaaa, this is perfect. The whole thing is perfect, really, with the shrimp toast and the same-looking rich dudes and Liz playing the role of live-in girlfriend again. Awesome.
a.: jack/liz; two sides of the same coinregalish on March 17th, 2008 12:08 am (UTC)
LOLOL! I'm SO glad you liked that part; it was my favorite one to write! And the same-looking rich dudes I actually had planned for another fic, but it hasn't gone anywhere in a year, LOL, so I just decided to throw 'em into this one.

And of course I can't resist Liz as the live-in girlfriend again ;)

Thanks so much, as always! ♥
(Deleted comment)
a.: tina; as tinkregalish on March 17th, 2008 12:09 am (UTC)
LOL, thanks! Glad you liked this chapter; it's been my favorite to write so far. And I actually really like C.C. too and I'm looking forward to using her in future chapters :)
csiAngel: 30 Rock J/Lcsiangel on March 16th, 2008 08:11 pm (UTC)
Love Liz's defiance about the toast; love Jack not naming any names in his story about telling someone to stop eating; love Liz not knowing who's who at the table; love her enthusiasm about John McCain and Big Macs; love the 'blerg'.

Suffice it to say, I'm loving it! And I really hope there's more :-)
a.: jack/liz; black & whiteregalish on March 17th, 2008 12:11 am (UTC)
Haha! Thanks, Jac! This was my fave chapter to write; Jack seems like just the type of guy that wouldn't be afraid to tell Oprah she's fat, LOL. And I figured Liz would be the type to get excited hearing about political figures' favorite fast food items, hehehe.

Glad you're still loving this! There's one more chapter that's been posted; the rest has yet to be written, but I'm workin' on it! :D
madscullyx13: Liz/Mullallymadscullyx13 on November 9th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
I like these. And it doesn't hurt that you've thrown Obama into the story :)