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21 September 2007 @ 02:32 pm
Five Reasons Jan's the Best Girlfriend Ever [The Office; Michael/Jan]  
TITLE: Five Reasons Jan's the Best Girlfriend Ever, by Michael Gary Scott
FANDOM: The Office
PAIRING: Michael/Jan


01. That's a no-brainer. She's hot. I mean seriously... have you seen her? She's so, so hot. First of all, that face of hers is hotter than any movie star -- including Catherine Zeta-Jones and Angelina Jolie and her giant lips. Her eyes are unbelievable. Like, the first time I met her I kinda got tongue-tied because all I could focus on was her eyes. They're big and blue and bottomless, like the ocean but even better.

Her lips are gorgeous too. They're not the size of Angelina's, but really, who could handle kissing those massive things anyway? Jan's lips are perfect. They're normally all I can stare at when we're in meetings. Either that or her legs. Holy God, her legs. She, like... had to have been a dancer or something because seriously? Those legs are killer. I'm real glad she went back to wearing skirts, because for awhile there when we were pissed off at each other (or rather, she was pissed off at me because I picked Carol), all she wore were pantsuits. Which she still looked hot in, don't get me wrong, but... I missed her showcasing those awesome legs in her skirts.

And is it weird that I love her hair? I do. It's part of what makes her hot, those bouncy curls. I don't like too much curl. Jan's at her hottest when there's just a bit of bounce, a little waviness... and it's fun to run my fingers through her hair. I think she kinda likes it, too... especially with the way she smiles at me when I do it.

Oh God, her smile. Her smile is going to kill me someday. Literally. The first time I ever saw her smile I wanted to crumple to my knees. I had just completed this humongous sale, one that Jan had been trying (and failing) to get all night. I looked over at her and her smile almost stopped my heart. It was big and bright and gorgeous and I'd never seen anything like it before. A smile had never done such weird, fluttery things to my heart before. It was so awesome.

The best thing about Jan's hotness, though? She doesn't think that she's hot. I don't know how to explain that, but for some reason a hot woman thinking she's not hot makes her even hotter. And it makes me want to tell her constantly how hot she is. Seriously, she'll get up in the morning and look in the mirror while she gets ready and she kinda makes faces at herself, as if she's the ugliest woman on the planet. Right.

I wish she did think she was hot, but I suppose I can understand why she thinks she's not. She's spent her whole life in a man's world, trying to make herself seem asexual just so she can get all the advantages without being told it's because of her looks. She stopped looking at herself like a woman. So that's usually when I sneak up behind her and start kissing her neck and telling her just how hot she is. Then, that usually turns into a two-hour sex fest... and then one of us ends up being really late for work.

Yeah. My girlfriend, Jan? She's SO hot.


02. Jan's a cuddler. How freaking cute is that? I never would've expected it because she's always so... Jan at work. But outside of work, after our usual hot hot sex... she likes to cuddle. And sometimes even when we don't have sex, she likes to cuddle. It's the cutest thing.

Like this one time we were hanging out at my place and sharing some cartons of Chinese food. We kinda kept sneaking tastes of each other's stuff and I'd keep sneaking kisses (which made her giggle -- she has the cutest laugh ever), and then when we were done I expected her to pounce on me for some sex. Because she kind of can't get enough of my hot lovin'. But no. When I set the cartons on the coffee table, all prepared to get mauled by my gorgeous corporate goddess... she instead leaned back against me and pulled my arms around her waist.

And is it weird that a manly man like me got butterflies? Probably. But I'm comfortable in my rugged masculinity, so I'm not ashamed to admit that I got butterflies. It was just so... domestic and sweet and so unlike Jan that I was helpless to resist. Then she grabbed the remote and started flipping through the channels on TV while she leaned back against me. And, she rubbed my hands with hers while we sat there together. I leaned my lips against her hair and mouthed that I loved her. Luckily, she didn't pick up on that. Because man, she would've bolted.

After sex she really likes to cuddle, too, like I said. Once I've satisfied her completely and we've collapsed against the mattress, she sidles up to me and lays her head on my shoulder and throws her arm across my stomach. Kinda like how we cuddled in her hotel room after Chili's... only naked.

We talk about the weirdest things when we cuddle, too. It's really kinda awesome. And I find out all of these great things about Jan. Like, when she was little she wanted to be a ballerina-slash-veterinarian. I kinda laughed just trying to picture a miniature Jan dancing around on her tippy-toes while trying to fix sick cows and stuff. She thought I was making fun of her, so she started smacking my shoulder. But then I think I kissed her, and then... of course, more sex commenced. She just can't get enough of me.

She likes to cuddle, she likes to be held... and she likes to hug, which is totally weird and unlike her. Lately, she's been having some really crap-ass days at work, so she'll call me to bitch about it. And then one of us will take off early to drive to see the other (I like it best when she does it because, hi, desperate much, babe?). I went to her office this one time when she was getting particularly wound up about some sort of... budget thing, maybe? I should listen better when she bitches about work.

Anyway, so I went there, and by that time everyone had pretty much left for the day, including Jan's annoying secretary, Sherry. Jan was still in her office, alone, just staring at her desk with one elbow on the arm of her chair, propping her head up. When I came into the door, she got this really adorable look on her face, like she was so relieved to see me. Then, she got right up, walked up to me and threw her arms around me in a hug.

"I had such a bad day, Michael," she kinda whined into my neck.

"I'm sorry." I didn't really know what else I could say, so I just held her tight. And it felt good. And really, really right. Like why haven't we always been doing this, instead of fighting?

"I need to go home."


"Will you come with? I don't know if I'm in the mood for... y'know... tonight, but..."

So I grinned, knowing just what she wanted. She wanted to cuddle with me. Who am I to say no to a hot woman wanting to cuddle?

My girlfriend likes to cuddle. She is so the best ever.


03. The sex is amazing. 'Nuff said right there. But no, not really. I have to give so many sordid details, because... wow. Jan's without a doubt the best sex I've ever had, and it just kills me (in the very best of ways) that she considers me her best sex ever. Me.

The first time we did it was in Jamaica. We got there, set our stuff down in our hotel room, and I started flipping through the brochures, wondering what we should do first when she walked up and started kissing me. I'm pretty sure the brochures fell to the floor, because pretty soon my arms were around her and we were kissing like crazy. She's the best kisser, too, but that kinda goes without saying.

Somehow our clothes came off, although I still don't remember how that happened... and we were suddenly horizontal on the bed. Jan was making the hottest noises... like, moaning and panting, and the way she said my name was just... God, I'll never get over the sound of that. I'm pretty sure we used protection... can't remember though... maybe I blacked out.

And I'm a gentleman so I won't go into too much detail, but needless to say -- yeah, pretty much the best sex ever. All of that tension really did wonders for that first time. Just... everything that had been between us exploded in this flurry of... hotness.

And the best thing? I'm so not a stud by nature (despite what my track record with the ladies would lead you to believe), but... Jan definitely makes me feel like one. The way she gasps, the way she says my name so lustily... the way she digs her nails into my back while we're doing it makes me feel like such a stud.

And I think it's the fact that it's us, finally, after all this time that makes it so damn good. Like, every time we do it is just like the first time. There's just as much passion and hotness and desperation, just like the first time we did it. I can't even describe it properly. But... when we're together, the entire world except for us disappears.

Here's the part where I sound like a chick, too: when we do it slowly (which isn't all that often because Jan's kinda naughty and loves fast and dirty), I really feel like we can have a future together. And I feel like Jan feels the same way. Just the way we stare into each other's eyes and lace our fingers together like we never want this to end.

So yes. The sex is amazing. My girlfriend's a goddess, and makes me feel like a stud.


04. Jan's a good listener. Like, a really good listener. That's part of what makes her the best girlfriend ever. Whether I'm bitching about work, or about Dwight or Andy or... whatever. She just listens.

After Dwight quit suddenly, I was distraught, to say the least. My only ally just up and left. So Jan listened while I talked about it. For two-and-a-half hours, until she showed up at Dunder Mifflin. She showed up in my office doorway, and hugged me, and... then she listened some more.

Even on that very first night, she was a good listener. After Chili's. After I listened to her spill all the awful details about her divorce and her relationship with Gould (the bastard, as I like to call him affectionately). I listened to her cry, I caught all of her tears with my fingers, and when she had calmed down... she said it was her turn to listen. And even though I had no idea what to talk about with this woman that had basically just spilled her guts... I started talking.

And pretty soon I was confessing how badly I wanted a family and wanted to be married, with kids, and how I was afraid that would never happen. Jan, while laying cuddled against me, just looked up at me and listened... wiped away my tears as I cried (which I'm okay with admitting -- again, I'm comfortable with my rugged manliness). I told her about my awful childhood and how much I hated my stepfather... how I had no brothers or sisters to share in my misery.

And she still listened. Even when she found out just how very screwed up I am, she kept right on listening. She cuddled against me a little harder, even, and traced my face with her fingertips while looking into my eyes as I went on and on.

It's cathartic, being able to talk about all of this stuff finally with somebody. I never really thought I'd want to share that awful part of my life with anybody, but for some reason Jan just... dug it out without even batting an eyelash. She just listened, like nobody's ever done before, and everything just kinda came out.

Even when we weren't really getting along (because she was upset I chose Carol over her), she still listened to me, was still tuned in to me. Like when Ed Truck died. As hurt as she was that I chose another woman, she listened to my ramblings about building a statue for Ed. Her tone was helpful, like she really wanted to help make me feel better. And if I hadn't been dating Carol I totally would've let her.

Well, alright, I probably would've let her anyway. She's Jan. I can't help it.

I called her, later that night after the bird funeral, after everyone had gone home. She picked up her cell on the first ring and said my name, and it never sounded so fantastic. "Michael."

"I'm not okay."

"I know."

Then she let me talk, and talk, and talk... and even when I repeated myself about feeling like I'd never have a wife and kids, she still just listened. Didn't offer advice, didn't suggest I go see a therapist, nothing. She just listened to me, until we had both driven home and I was sitting on the couch with my cell phone still pressed to my ear.

"Michael, you know that you're not alone, right?"

"Well... I suppose I've still got Carol."

And she'd gotten kind of quiet then, and it really made me wish I hadn't said that. "Yes. You still have Carol. I'm sure she cares about you very much. As well as... other people in your life."

"Like you?"

I think it was around that time she said she had to go, and then she'd hung up. She used to do that a lot -- hang up on me in the middle of profound conversations.

But despite that, she's a really good listener.


05. Jan's the only woman that's ever actually loved me. Not only that, she's the only woman to ever tell me that she loves me. Which is unbelievable. I mean... me. She loves me. Jan loves me. Jan Marie Levinson loves me, Michael Gary Scott. It's incalculcable.

It's so weird how I found out, too. Oddly enough, we were fighting. Yelling at each other... about what I can't even remember anymore. You know, I think it might've been about going to Phyllis' wedding. I wanted her to go with me and she didn't want to go because then we'd be "outed" or whatever. Her reasoning is kinda off, but I find it cute and sexy how she makes no sense sometimes.

Anyway, we were yelling at each other and I ended up yelling something about how I wanted her to go because she's the woman I love and she shouted something back, like, "I love you too, Michael, but can't you see that--" blah blah blah whatever. I don't even remember what she said beyond the 'I love you' part of it.

So I'd said, "What?" and she was all, "What."

"You said you love me too."

Then I remember she looked kinda scared. She got that look on her face, that "oh crap" look she gets when she's acting all in love with me. I expected her to bolt, to just deny it (she does that best, after all) and run. But instead she just shrugged... one of those shrugs like she was giving up, and sighed out, "Yeah. I love you, Michael."

I had to kiss her in that instant. I just had to. So I strode over to her really fast, grabbed her face, and kissed her. Hard. I think her knees buckled (she's totally turned on when I get aggressive), and she held on to my wrists as she kissed back. I kept murmuring "I love you" in between kisses and she kept murmuring it back, and pretty soon we were naked, in bed, showing each other just how much we loved each other (and that was totally the best of the best sex ever).

So Jan loves me, she's told me she loves me, and she shows me just about all the time now. She's gotten so much more comfortable in our relationship, we're able to be really open with each other and it's just about the best thing ever. I'm completely in love with her and know without a doubt that I'll be with her forever.

Honestly, I kinda knew that since the beginning, though. Jan doesn't believe me, but it's true. After all, they say when you meet 'The One' you know it in the first 24 hours. And the very first day I met her, shook her hand and looked into those bottomless blue eyes, I got this weird sensation... like, I knew that this woman in front of me was going to be the most amazing thing to happen to me.

And she so is. She'll make a fantastic wife. She kinda knows that I want to marry her, and she seems okay with that even though we haven't talked about it yet. And she doesn't know about the ring that I bought yesterday. She'll make a great mom, too. She wants kids so badly. It's the reason her marriage to Gould (the bastard) failed. He didn't want to have kids with her. What a moron, right? Who wouldn't want to have just boat-loads of kids with Jan?

So she'll make a super-sexy fiancee, a beautiful bride, a wonderful wife, a great mom to our kids, and... she is undoubtedly the best girlfriend ever.


{x-posted to michaelandjan}