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05 May 2007 @ 11:41 pm
Hide and Seek [CSI; Grissom/Catherine]  
TITLE: Hide and Seek
FANDOM: CSI
PAIRING: Grissom/Catherine
SPOILERS: Series through "Way To Go"
RATING: PG
LYRICS USED: "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap
SUMMARY:


*****

Catherine balanced the box between the curve of her hip and the door jamb as she thrust the small metal key back into her pocket. She then readjusted the heavy box in her arms and entered the townhouse, kicking the door shut behind her. For the first time in what felt like a long time, she took a long look around... and the place felt foreign to her.

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?


The air in the townhouse was almost different than she remembered it. It was still immaculate, everything in its proper place, but there was a light coating of dust on everything now; as if the townhouse was no longer inhabited... or as if its inhabitant just stopped caring. This place, that was once so welcoming, so familiar, now gave her a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The dust has only just begun to fall;
Crop circles in the carpet... sinking feeling


Catherine set the box on the coffee table and straightened up, turning in a slow circle as her eyes took in absolutely everything... cataloguing it, storing it away in her memory for later retrieval. A mist came to her eyes and she swallowed the emotion threatening to engulf her -- this couldn't be happening. Not after so many years together; not after everything they had been through.

Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets amess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy


She wasn't sure exactly when it was that they had stopped letting each other in, stopped knowing each other. She supposed it had been happening for the past year-and-a-half, and they hadn't wanted to address the issue. Or they hadn't cared enough at the time to address the issue. And now it was too late. Now too much had come between them, there was too wide a chasm for them to find their way back to each other.

Hide and seek,
Trains and sewing machines
All those years, they were here first


A tear slipped down Catherine's cheek without her consent as she slowly made her way down the hall, gliding her hand across the wall, stopping momentarily to inspect one single gouge. She traced it with her finger, recalling how it had gotten there -- that moment of pleasure just a few years before when he had her up against the wall, when she had tried to grip the wall in her blind passion. Her eyes trailed along still photos that marked the most important people in his life; there were still several of her. She used to be of the utmost importance to him. She used to be everything to him.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
Still life


No longer; no longer did he tell her everything -- anything, really. No longer did she hold the largest piece of his heart. No longer would she set foot in this townhouse, spend time with him, laugh with him... be with him. No longer was she going to try to unravel the mystery, the enigma that was him. She was done playing hide and seek with his soul and his heart. No, his impetuous behavior destroyed that... destroyed them.

Hide and seek,
Oh, you won't catch me around here
Blood and tears,
They were here first


At the end of the hallway was his closed bedroom door; from the dead silence since she'd arrived, Catherine surmised she could take one last peek around his bedroom before leaving him behind for good. She twisted the knob and the door swung open... and there he was, sitting at the foot of the bed. He rose to his feet and they stood just staring at each other. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Mm, what you say?
That you only meant well? Well of course you did.


She reached up to her neck and unclasped her necklace, let the ring fall from the chain into her open palm. They had agreed a few years before that it wasn't a true 'engagement' ring, nor was it a trite enough gesture to be called simply a 'promise' ring. It was simply a diamond ring on a platinum band, that he told her represented the fact that they would be together forever. Catherine walked up to him and placed that ring in his hand... met his eyes.

Mm, what you say?
That it's all for the best? Of course it is.


She watched him gulp and slowly look down at the ring in his palm before his fist closed around it. When his eyes met hers again, his were watery. Another tear slid down her cheek as she read the look in them; as she interpreted the remorse he was silently trying to express. Catherine swallowed and averted her eyes, and felt one last tear scud down her cheek. When she looked up at him again, the tears had dried. The look in them had hardened.

Mm, what you say?
That it's just what we need? And you decided this.


He opened and closed his mouth several times in succession, trying and failing to find words of apology, words of reassurance... any words at all. Catherine lifted her chin slightly, silently challenging him to say something. She planted her hands on her hips and waited. What would he apologize for first? For making her believe that he wanted to spend his life with her? For throwing away their future with one indiscretion? For giving in to something he knew was wrong -- for a relationship he knew was wrong and would never last -- just to escape the pressure a younger woman was putting on him?

What you say?
What did she say?


Before he could utter so much as a syllable, Catherine turned on her heel and walked out of his bedroom, started her walk out of his life for good. She heard him faintly calling to her; heard his desperate, choked apology, his mutterings about Sara being the aggressor and just how reluctant he'd been to start something with her.

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cutouts


She heard him calling after her, vowing that she was the only woman he could ever love, that he could ever see himself being with until he took his last breath. It all came spilling out of him like some kind of verbal vomit, but she just kept walking. She was done. His words were empty, and his eyes had been even emptier. He'd destroyed everything, destroyed himself... and this time she wasn't sticking around to help him pick up the pieces. His apologies held no feeling, and she felt no evidence of his remorse. He had stopped caring... she had to make herself do the same.

Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you
You don't care a bit, you don't care, you don't care a bit


Catherine stopped at the coffee table, where she'd set his box of belongings, and reached into her pocket. Out came the small metal key, enclosed in her fist, the jagged crenelations cutting into her palm. She opened her fist and looked down at it... this key she'd held onto for over twenty years; the key to the part of him he showed no one but her.

You don't care a bit

Then she looked up... saw him still standing by his bed, watching her with his fingers drumming on his thumb. He looked down at the key in her hand, then back up at her with those vacant eyes. The look in them was crystal clear. What she was doing was killing him. She almost chortled mirthlessly at the thought.

You don't care a bit

Gil Grissom was already dead -- he'd killed himself. He'd killed them. So, without ceremony, she dropped the key into the box and spun on her heel, completing her journey out of his life for good.

You don't care a bit

And Catherine didn't hesitate to let the door slam behind her.



FIN




{x-posted to graveshiftcsi}
 
 
Current Music: "Hide and Seek" ~ Imogen Heap
 
 
 
mcsunshine: csi: cath/grissom; behind the tapetheroomstops on May 6th, 2007 12:52 pm (UTC)
You did mine!!!! It's wonderful!
a.: G/C; out under the starsregalish on May 6th, 2007 09:44 pm (UTC)
Hehe! I sure did; thanks for the idea! I've been waiting to do an angsty G/C fic to this song forever. Your prompt of divorce (or, as I used it, broken "engagement") totally kick-started the muse! You rock :D
The keeper of lonelinesswanderlonely on May 6th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
You made me cry, hon, you really really made me cry. I never told anyone this but, after seeing the finale in season 6, I felt like a part of me dies, I know it's silly since it's just a show and they're fictional characters, but that's how much I love these characters and our couple, but even though I was hurt and angry for what TPTB did, I never cried until now. Your beautiful words finally let me cry out my feelings, thank you, for such a beautiful angst and well-done fic, I love it, you're amazing. ::hugs::
a.: C2; send some salvationregalish on May 6th, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
*hugs back* Awwww, thanks. I'm glad you were able to let your sadness out. You should download the song that accompanies this fic (I provided the link above); I pretty much designed the entire thing around the song, and had certain things happen at certain lyrics just from listening to this amazing, uber-angsty song. (The song even had a sound at the end that sounded like a door closing, heh).

It kinda brings it to life. That song brings all their angst and all my anger @ TPTB out, so I highly suggest giving it a listen.

Oh, TPTB. How you wrecked my Cath & Gil. *shakes fist*
The keeper of lonelinesswanderlonely on May 7th, 2007 05:08 pm (UTC)
Megaupload hates us people who live in Taiwan, sigh, I can't download it!! ::kicks megaupload:: Well, I'll find other wyas to listen it. You did it perfect with the storyline and the lyric, they're just so....fit perfectly together and that magic (your magic for words) made this fic more amazing. ♥

::kicks TPTB for ruining GC::
a.regalish on May 7th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
Awww bummer! Does SendSpace work for you (or even YouSendit)? Because I can just upload it again when I get home from work. Let me know!
The keeper of lonelinesswanderlonely on May 8th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
Sendspace and YouSendIt both work for me! And thank you! ♥
a.: C; i want a girl with a short skirtregalish on May 9th, 2007 01:19 am (UTC)
HERE it is! :D

Enjoy! ♥
The keeper of lonelinesswanderlonely on May 9th, 2007 04:42 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU! ♥

And your icon is love. ;) ♥
a.: C; i want a girl with a short skirtregalish on May 11th, 2007 01:46 am (UTC)
You are most welcome!!

And I know, isn't that icon just gorgeous?? Hee!

CUDDDDYYYYYYYYY.
csiAngel: csi eyecsiangel on May 6th, 2007 07:36 pm (UTC)
Oh wonderful, wonderful angst! :-)

Yay for you writing G/C again! This is great writing, and the lyrics add impact to the story, particularly at the end. Very well done!
a.regalish on May 7th, 2007 05:51 pm (UTC)
Awww, thanks Jac! Glad you liked the angst. I promise the next one I do will be more upbeat! Hahaha. Still haven't gotten all the bitterness out quite yet ;)
(Deleted comment)
a.: C2; send some salvationregalish on May 9th, 2007 01:21 am (UTC)
Aww, thanks Anne! I'm hopin' to do more GC soon :D
Toribreeza_babe57 on June 22nd, 2007 03:49 am (UTC)
god that was so angsty, i love it. ;D so sad and a crying catherine and gil. can't get any better than that.
fabulous job.
a.: M; bid my blood to runregalish on June 22nd, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
Hehe, thanks so much! Gotta love the G/C angst ;)